You were warned.
I have simple rules when having a conversation.
1. -I- am not always right.
2. Sometimes everyone is wrong and right at the same time.
3. There is nothing wrong with disagreeing.
4. If you try to force your opinion on someone when you know it's a disagreeable topic, your brain shrinks and baby kittens die and I no longer require any of your time... kitten killer jackass.
5. Apologizing is not a crime nor does it mean you are saying the other person is right. It just makes you a sensible adult who doesn't kill kittens.
6. When you get offended by the little stuff, you're going to have a very very hard life and should probably go find a hole to live in now.
AND
7. You should probably agree with me at all times because the road ahead is dangerous and I know how to speak with an English accent.
That being said- I speak for me. I speak as an individual. I do not speak for all fat women out there or any other anything out there. These are my ideas and I do not expect you to agree with them.
When reading the Louis C.K. story that facebook is a-flutter about, I threw up in my mouth a little. And I probably did it for different reasons than the other gaggers did. Did anyone notice how beautiful the fat girl was? And I can say fat or fatty here because that word doesn't offend me. If it offends you, please rethink it as description instead of a cut down. There's nothing wrong with fat. She was gorgeous. Double chin or not, I thought she was attractive. She had great hair, knew how to use a denim jacket, knew how to wear makeup, and knew how to use her face when she talked.
Then this monologue comes out of her mouth and I stop thinking about how pretty she is and start feeling really really REALLY sorry for this guy she's talking to. I applaud a woman voicing her opinion. That was really big of her. But even I had some sort of stockholm syndrome feeling where I must find her and hold her hand in public just to make the awkwardness go away.
I'm not saying I disagree with her. I'm saying it was way too over the top to be aired as the average fat woman's opinion.
I've never seen the show. I've seen a little of the guys comedy. I read a little of the storyline of the show where she flirts with him, he blows her off and checks out skinny chicks, and then she convinces him to go out on one date where he realizes she's actually pretty fun. And then we're all supposed to have this mind blowing moment where we realize we put fat baby in the corner even though so many of us have our own flaws that make us damaged goods in the dating world. The sad part is, this puts the blame on guys and girls and doesn't put the blame on society as a whole.
Like I said before, the girl is gorgeous. She's funny. She's confident. But she's stuck on her weight. Why? Because fatties, myself included, are told we're ugly. We're told we're ugly because at some point people became ignorant. I think it all started at the beginning of time or something. Maybe the garden of Eden. I'm not sure. But someone with huge social status said "women should be shorter than their man" and men started only dating women that were shorter than them. And ignorance was born.
For some reason, this social butthead started this chain of labels: Fat, skinny, tall, short, ect.
And then they put descriptions with that: Sexy, ugly, average, bag over head, ect.
And instead of realizing their own right to have their own opinion the people just nodded their head and sexy short women could stay and "not sexy anymore because of their height" tall women were shunned.
I use this example because this was my reaction from crushes in life growing up... No laughing:
Too tall for the guys that were ok with me being fat. Their friends might see.
Too fat for the guys that were ok with me being tall. Their friends might see.
Too smart for the guys that were funny. Their friends might see.
Too funny for the guys that were smart. Their friends might see.
A few examples of boyfriends:
I dated Jesse because he showed any interest at all. He dated me because I was the only one willing to date him. He constantly tried to tell me to dress differently and not talk because girls shouldn't talk. Broke up because I realized I shouldn't date someone just to date, especially when they're a sexist idiot.
I dated Kyle because he said I made him happy and I wanted to be needed. Then off and on for years he reminded me that I was too tall, too fat, thought for myself and that's bad, and was only really sweet to me when his friends couldn't see. That one ended in injuries after I finally told him I was tired of being a joke when his friends were around.
I dated Jeremy because there was always something explosive going on when he was around. He dated me because I didn't mind showing him my boobs. His friends never knew we were together because I was too fat, taller than him, smart, didn't believe in sex before marriage and for some reason that made me beneath his level. Can I just add that this guy worshiped ICP, thought he was going to be a rapper even though he had no talent, had the IQ of a 2nd grader, and neither of his parents wanted him? But somehow I wasn't good enough for him in public.
I dated George because he was funny and older than me and a girl I didn't like liked him but he liked me instead of her. But he treated me like a student more than a girlfriend. The guy thought he could talk to human organs but because I was younger, I must be stupid. I ended up breaking up with him after I realized I felt sorry for the girl he was cheating on me with. If you feel sorry for a girl being stuck with a guy, you probably shouldn't try to fix your relationship with him.
Did you notice that all of those guys were worried about how we looked in society?
And even worse, did you notice that I dated them for reasons that society told me they should be attractive to me: single, needs you, dangerous and fun, older? Out of all of them, Kyle was the only one society would have deemed as attractive.
But that's ok to date them because girls shouldn't date based on looks, especially when you're fat and tall and average looking. We should date based on if they want us and personality. (I'm rolling my eyes while typing here by the way.)
Getting back to the Louis C.K. thing-
I agree with her that it sucks to be fat- FOR SO MANY REASONS OTHER THAN DATING BY THE WAY.
I agree with her that for the most part she's limited because of her weight.
I agree with her that he shouldn't care about her weight.
I almost high-fived the screen when she said he shouldn't care about what HE would look like if he held her hand.
BUT
Never assume a guy doesn't like you because of your weight. Always assume he doesn't like you because he just doesn't. We're allowed to have "types". Some people are very shallow about their types and that's their problem. But people are allowed to prefer a color, a height, a gender, a religion, an extrovert over an introvert, ect.
If he likes you but he can't get over your weight because he feels like that makes him look bad LET HIM GO. You don't need that guy sucking the joy out of your life. Let him be stuck old an alone because he wants a commitment to a physical appearance instead of a commitment to a physical and emotional connection.
Never group guys into this huge cesspool of cavemen.
For all of you single huggable, loveable, fluffy, fat women out there: Your weight does not define you. Society doesn't get that power. It is your choice to be whatever size you are comfortable being. They can talk a lot. They can try to change people's opinions of you. They can try to say you're lazy and unattractive and no fun. But you know better than that. If YOU like who you are, it doesn't matter what society thinks. If YOU don't like who you are, do your best to change it. If you have trouble changing it, find friends, not a man, who will support you in reaching your goals. Focus on that, not a man. That's not me saying you don't need a man. I'm simply saying a good man is a friend first. He will care about you based on you. He will be honest with himself about you and you may not like his answer but he's entitled that idea of what he wants. He will support you in losing or keeping the weight. He will also come with his own set of issues. If you can love a person through their own issues, do not expect any less from the person who is going to love you.
And I know it's hard to love yourself when society doesn't accept you for what you are. I'm the one giving advice here and I STILL have insecurities about my weight. Honestly, I'm preaching to myself here also.
After Jesse, Jeremy, George, Kyle, grumpy, stupid, crap talker, and everyone else I dated, I found my husband. I found my best friend. I found my man who loves me skinny, fat, tall, brown eye, red haired, pink haired, talkative, opinionated, and sometimes oblivious. I did not set a list of what I wanted because I don't want to be in love with a list, I want to be in love with a person. I love him and his flaws at the same time that he loves me and my flaws. Some days I listen to society and he reminds me that society has SO MANY MORE FLAWS THAN I COULD EVER HAVE. He reminds me that my only flaws are my insecurities about being myself. While everyone else is asking me if I've lost weight recently, he's applauding me on being overweight and healthyfat and supporting me when the weight does become a health issue. Do I like him seeing me naked? No. But that's me being insecure. That has nothing to do with him. Why? Because he was honest with himself about what he wanted. I was his type. And he's my type. That's how people work.
Don't tell people what they should and shouldn't have to find attractive. That's not your business. Be satisfied in what you find attractive. You shouldn't change it because society says they're beneath you and you shouldn't change it because society says you should feel bad for what you find attractive.
Now for you skinny people who thought they were allowed an opinion on this that wasn't perfectly in line with my opinon: SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, THE FATTIES ARE TALKING!
